This Entry Has Been Deleted

Because it was rubbish...

Not An Afro...

I feel for the first time in about 3 years, the curse of the dyed black bob that resulted in burned roots and my walking about looking like Billy Idol is over...

For the first time in years, I woke up, ran a brush through my hair and realized it was actually kinda nice. No straighteners, no frantic product coating, just a comb and a smile...

Lifs is good!!

It's The Little Things In Life...

Friends are great and it's always important to count your blessings and be grateful...

Case in point, it's Friday, I am car-less at work since I can currently car pooling and I am hungry. Scrap that... RAVENOULSY hungry like a bear is eating my stomach and surrounding organs from the inside...

I have been staring at the same sad can of soup for the last hour... the same can of soup that is older than God and lived in my trunk for 6 months only to later be transferred to my bag where it has mocked my mid-day hunger for the last week.



I do not want soup and that can scares me...

JUST as I was about to hit the kitchen and pop open the explosive evil inside that can (ever see the bit in Indiana Jones where they open The Arc Of The Covenant?), my phone went and it's KA asking me if I'd like to go eat Japanese...

OH HELL YEAH!!!!!



Fate... it's a beautiful thing!

ZZZzzzzzzz......

4 days, 3 hours of sleep, 2 PODS, 1 insane landlord. The Move Part 1 has officially taken place. I get the feeling this isn't the end of the insanity but at least we're in a safer place.

A couple of pieces of advice, people:

1- Your landlord is YOUR landlord. His sweet girlfriend is not. Don't be tempted to rent based on someone else.

2- Private rentals stink.

3- Check the house THOROUGHLY before renting- granite countertops do NOT mean indoor plumbing!

Oye... it's been a weekend!

Bloody Addoyin'

It's Pollen Week here at Ellomennowpeekew HQ and it's crap. The high levels of yellow powder are not the type of thing they put in the Travel and Tourism book to describe NC but they really should. Nothing can prepare you for the insanity that is the first few weeks of spring.

Everything is covered in a snow-like coating of yellow evil.

Last night I woke up at 4am to find my eyes were glued shut and my nose felt like I had huffed feathers.

I love this time of year but for some strange reason, I always forget about Pollen Week and then I am reminded of it when I have to dig my car out in the morning while simultaneously ejecting my spleen out of my nostrils.


We are promised rain... I am celebrating with Zyrtec and Margaritas...

My Name is Nate and I am a Beefaholic...

I have had a sad epiphany, y'all... I need to come clean...

I have eaten nothing but Wendy's Bacon and Blue Burgers for 2 days straight...

Friends, it's a kaiser roll with a burger, covered in thick, crispy Applewood smoked bacon, blue cheese crumbles (and contrary to my expectations- having been let down by fast food so many times before- they do not scrimp on the cheese), crispy and fried onions and veggies...

That bad boy is so huge that I am certain it contains a million calories and I will probably never poop again but GOD it's good.

I had the first Sunday night, Yesterday I had one for lunch, another for supper and then one for lunch again today.

I could say it's borne out of a fear that they will cancel the delicious awesome in the same way that Hardees killed my original Jalapeno Burger but it's not... it's greed and poor self control.

Damned if my weakness isn't DELICIOUS!!

Englezeh (sic)

10 am, Easter Saturday, in my pajamas eating chocolate in bed with the old man who is in underpants and passed out on the pillow next to me. Being the more 'aptly' dressed of the two of us, I decide to answer the incessant tapping and ringing of the door- lest it should be our gardener who seems to have forgotten the word, "NO" from his spotty English vocabulary.

I peel back the curtain; a mass of lion's mane curls, melted eyemakeup and a face so thunderous, it could have melted the icebergs the tiny polar bears decorating my pajamas are perched on.

It is not Rojelio...

A small, strange man is on my doorstep. he's holding a zippered leatherbound tome- it's either a bible or a weird briefcase but he's accompanied by an equally well meaning looking young lady. Baptists... I shudder... why is it they pester me at my house and yet I always feel crappy sending them on their merry way? This is how they get you...

I answer the door. It's Easter and they look religious, the guilty CofE in me can't send them away...

My unbrushed teeth form a cursory smile while the man exposes his equally hideous row of gold capped gnashers and immediately unleashes a breakneck string of Portuguese on my cotton wool brain.

I know it's Portuguese because I went there a couple of times and I know enough to order beer, buy tampons and ask for medical help. All the handy stuff- this man asked for none of these things so we'll call it ESP...

Anyway, I cut him off, "Englezeh" I announce in my terrible accent. He smiles and apologizes, asks for someone in the house that speaks Portuguese. There is no one... He asks for someone that might be Brazilian. The penny drops... MOISES! I explain I know no person or persons who are either Portuguese or Brazilian. The man looks confused with a hint of 'I'm Not Buying This'. He apologizes and goes on his way.

Bemused, I settle back in to my 500 thread count pit and simmer. The old man doesn't think it's odd and resumes counting the lights on the inside of his eyelids. Yet I am left with this unsettling sense of dread. The sooner we get out of dodge the better...